I’m going to get raw and real. I am scared and in emotional pain. This society scares me. It’s scares me because I know that I am hated…it seems like I am the most hated member of this society because I am a black woman. It is emotionally painful every time I watch a black woman get beaten up and maybe even killed by a police officer and people make excuses as to why she deserved it. I am demoralized when I listen to people dismiss a black woman who was raped and killed by a black man. I am demoralized when I hear people bash black women for having abortions or a child out of wedlock. I am demoralized when people place the lives of black men over black women. I hate it that I am made to feel like I should not live in peace and happiness because of someone’s prejudices. I hate it that I have to be fearful of police officers but rely on them for safety at the same time. I hate that when I apply for jobs I need to worry about being rejected because I’m black. I hate it that I cannot live anywhere I choose. I hate it that I cannot fully exist in freedom in my own country. I hate it that I am made to fear this country more than I do ISIS or Al Qaeda. Seriously! I hate it that I have such fear in my own country that I’m considering leaving it. But where the hell will I go? I’m not going to Africa!
Where can I go to simply live in peace? I want my daughters to thrive and be safe.
I’m not looking for anyone to love me. Frankly, I don’t care if you do or not. I just want to be respected…respected enough to be left alone by those who don’t like me. I also want revenge! The best revenge is success and self-love. Revenge is knowing that if me and my children can’t live in peace, no one else should. Allow me to reiterate, if I as a black woman and mother can’t live in peace, no one else should live in peace. If black mothers must suffer due to injustice, all must suffer. It’s only fair. That’s how life works.
I don’t know about you, but I want peace… Deal?